Confessions of a Megavideo Junky

I have a confession: I've been watching Dawson's Creek a lot lately. And I've really been enjoying it.

I also have to confess that, since I started this blog, I have lapsed into total media mindlessness. "Mindful Media" started with the best of intentions, but it has come to represent an idealized set of virtues I find myself constantly unable to embody.

I suspect my story is common. I come home from work (keep in mind I have the least stressful job imaginable), and I'm ready to relax. I open up the computer and go straight for surfthechannel.com. Maybe I'll warm up with an episode or two of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia downloaded from iTunes, watch a streaming episode of The Daily Show or listen to All Things Considered from NPR if I'm feeling particularly mindful and self-aggrandizing. Then inevitably, favoring instant food over a well-cooked meal, I eat some dinner and fire up the Dawson's Creek. Though the addiction to this particular TV show was instigated a little over week ago by a friend, I have embraced it full-heartedly from the second season. (Will Joey and Dawson fulfill their destiny as star-crossed lovers? Or will Jen and Jack continue to tear them apart, as Pacey and Andy, equally lovable, continue to feel utterly powerless in taking control of their lives??? The suspense is killing me. Drama!) I must also confess that this is not the first TV series addiction I've fostered since reaching young adulthood. With almost equal embarrassment, I admit that I plowed through all seven seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation, all 178 forty-five minute episodes, during my first year in Japan. The nostalgia it evoked was my only comfort for a while as I adjusted to my new, post-college life with relatively few friends to keep me entertained.

TV addiction is not new to me. It reaches deep back into my childhood, from Mr. Rogers to Sesame Street, to Barney to Lamb Chop, to Dennis the Mennis and Punky Brewster. Then on to family sanctioned television events, most notably TGIF with Family Matters, Step by Step, and Boy Meets World, and the Sunday night phenomenon of Dean Kent as Superman. Such networks as MTV, NBC, and FOX were influential in my development throughout my pre-teen and teen years, as I developed a taste for music videos (No Doubt's Just a Girl or Silver Chair or Jewel's What if God Was One of Us all come to mind for some reason), sitcoms (Seinfeld and Friends the most notable, save the Drew Carey Show or Rosanne), and, eventually reality TV (The Real World, Road Rules, Survivor). With the advent of DVDs and digital file sharing, I could rediscover classics I hadn't really appreciated as a child, like The Simpsons, which I watched practically every day in college. And my friends introduced me to a realm of wildly irreverant comedies like South Park, Chapelle's Show, and Family Guy. The list could go on.

When I think about the number of hours I've spent consuming TV, it's an affront to my protestant work ethic, which I've recently tried to rationalize away with post-colonial, postmodern rhetoric and mental bullshitting. Many would agree that my laziness is a sign of my self-indulgent, narcissistic, white-male privileged, consumerist, socio-economically imperialist, downright spoiled, and ultimately piggish existence. And I wouldn't be able to say they are wrong.

Perhaps even more frighteningly, I don't think I'm unique. (Image above is from a blog entry entitled "Teenage Angst My Vice".) As noted above, how many reading this can relate? Even if your addiction to television doesn't run as deep as mine (or perhaps it runs a lot deeper), does something else in your life resonate with the underlying concept of overindulgence to the point of destructive behavior? I'd rather not list the other vices in my life that compete for my constant attention - "FEED MEEE!" they say "FEED ME!"

So what keeps us coming back for more? Why do we choose to ignore the unhealthy and unhappy relationships we have with television and other luxuries that keep us in looped into a cycle of craving and ignorance? We enjoy it and it's fun. TV and the entertainment industry provide us with a great deal of pleasure and maybe even joy. I have to add that a state of mindlessness has it's advantages - relieving stress and anxiety and allowing us to drift into a state of unthinking being or doing. That's exactly what we want sometimes.

A variety of voices tell me to stop overanalyzing. The answer is simple: moderation. Just do it less to enjoy it more. Though this is the simple answer to so many of my self-imposed conundrums, my behavior rarely changes. In some ways, I'm not sure I want it to. That is until it starts to cause problems and bring pain, as well as pleasure, sorrow as well as joy. In this regard, I can be remarkable childish and shortsighted.

My recent thoughts on individual/social change and self-help have helped me reach this conclusion: changing one's media environment is not enough. Community is also necessary to help such changes stick. A commitment to one's goal along with a lot of hard work and the positive support of media and community may help one to evolve peronsally and create change in the world. Though a laundry list of moderation strategies might be in order, it sounds rather lame. My gut tells me to just suck it up, be a man, and get a grip. Since that hasn't worked yet, I'll request some advice.